Why?

You know
I dont usually let people tell me I cant be a musician
I actually take their doubt as a sort of fuel
It makes me want to do it even more so one day I can turn to them and rub it in their faces
But heres something most people dont see in people like me
In people that want to make it so bad that they alread sacrifice a large portion of their lives just trying to get there somehow... one way or another

There comes a time where you smarten up for one day
Thats all it takes... 24 little hours and your mind goes from set to scrambled
Regular week, school as usual, Friday is coming up and I'm anxious to start recording the first song for the album "We Might As Well..."
The day goes by normally, nothing different happens: I'm still writing my lyrics during break, still working on the recording software during lunch time,
Until the last period swings by, and you start to hear the talks of "I'm going to a great college in Texas, the best in technology" or something along the lines of "I'm pretty sure, with these grades, MIT will be an easy win".
And I'm just sitting there thinking "hell... all these people around know what they want to do and it's all 'real' jobs". And before you know it, I'm hit with a full 50 meter wave of doubt and stress because when I analyze the possible outcomes of my life it all draws down to two very distinct options; I make it, live comfortably doing exactly what I've always wanted to do. Or... I dont make it, and am left scraping by, with little time left to give in to defeat.

Now that's just a scary thought, you have to admit. I dont have a professional career I'm pursuing. I'm not dreaming of making it into a giant university where everyone wears ties and speaks perfect Latin. I was made for the world of entertainment, more specifically, music. There's nothing Id rather do more than be able to play a song on stage and watch that one guy at the corner of the room actually connect with what I'm singing. It has happened ONCE, and there was enough in his expression to grant me the patience and the will-power to work HARD towards being able to see that look again.

No college can teach you that.
No textbook can outline that connection.
It just happens.

I remember my five weeks back at Berklee College of Music. First night there and I get the word that there will be this super-improvised little gig at the 939 café across the street. The basic concept was to grab yourself a band and perform, no rehearsal, just get up there and make some music. Being the curious guy that I am, I loaded up my guitar case and off I went.

It was the best night of my life.

There was no pressure, no rules, no schedule, no lyrics to remember, no chords to memorize. All I did was get up on stage and be exactly who I was, with the people I wanted to be with. And thats where I noticed I wouldnt mind the hardships, the let downs, the pressure, the expectations, the alienation, the lack of support.

Because in the end that's the fuel I need
I have to learn to live with that certain kind of sadness to keep me hungry for more
And to get better
And to get bigger
And to get there

And one day I will
Oh hell,

I will...