Perseverance?

The issue with perseverance
Is that to fully solidify its strength
You must first threaten to let it go
And those that may know you as the perseverer
That sudden change in description
May frigthen them
And they'll step back
And they'll rethink
Reconstruct
You
Yes, you
In their minds
So that the only memory they have of you
Was the one they altered to fit in the new
Impatient
Inappropriate
Fake bastard
That you tested once upon a time to be

Thinking

Perhaps in the unweary continuity of time
I am excused for my insecurity
And the inclusion of an old yet recurrent enemy
Only heightened my right to be so

Never had I thought
That thinking
Would be an issue

The overthinking...
The obsessive pondering
The pedestal I built high enough so that
I would never climb to be on top
But low enough so that I could
Sling others
To be over my head
And out of my reach

Its the belief that I am what I am
And what I am is not what
I should be

Its the thinking
And there it goes again
Thinking
And thinking
And thinking again...

Ode

Heres to the worried
And to the misunderstood

To the feeble-minded
And the overlooked

Heres to the second-commers
And the needing in change

To the not yet golden
And the strangers to fame

Heres to you
Who gives to be somebody's only

To the dissapointed
But never lonely...

Four Walls

Four walls
They close in
They cave in
Trap me shut
Bind my eyes
Stitch my lips
Break my dreams
Silences my thoughts
Theres no escaping
Unless letting my soul go
Theres no waiting
Unless letting my mind flow

Villain

From one moment
To the next
You become the villain

The kind words they'd speak
Of you
Shatter and lessen

Your intentions are pure
Of that you have no doubt
But the world chooses to see
What their eyes outlines
For them to see

However being the villain
Is not so bad
If the thoughts in that malicious mind
Are simply heroic

Voice

I've heard of a voice
That neither speaks or sings
Neither whispers or shouts

Doesnt object
But isnt subjective
Isnt so gentle
Yet not so imperative

Doesnt demand
Nor does it beg
Never says twice
What its already said

Knows it own worth
Yet never seizes to wonder
Isnt so old
Yet not too much younger

Knows what it needs
Yet wants throughout time
I've heard of a voice
But I'm sure its not mine

Because I Love Her

Am I not right
To fight for myself?
Is there some guideline
A law
That I am ignorant of
One that restricts my rebellion?

My heart played tricks on my mind
And mind played tricks on my body
My body plays no tricks
It is physical
It can sense the pain
The danger
It feels what I chose to ignore
To make way for her to enter in peace
And to comfort herself in peace

I was happy to be unhappy
If her happiness would be guaranteed

But now I see
That the torture I've imposed
Upon myself
Is needless

I can be happy
I can melt off these chains
And still be all there is to be
To her

I can smile
Painlessly

I can love
With no precaution

Thus from that thought
I will

Because I love her

Because I love her...

What Am I

I'm no Greek God
My body wasnt sculped
My skin is not smooth
Nor are my eyes clear

I dont hunt the prey
I dont seduce with actions
I'm not a soldier
I'm not a general

But I have something
They'll never have

I have melody and color
I have respect and gentleness
I have fear and conviction

But the worst part of it all
Is that the beauty underneath the skin
Is hardly ever noticed

Now dont tell me I'm lying.

Untitled

I cant function properly
At 1 in the morning
I tremble and whimper
While my body's contorting

I keep counting the minutes
Till the end of my suffering
Im slowly fainting
From the shaking and snorting

Please come home
Please be safe
Please come back
Dont go away

But theres nothing I can do
To kill the time
Except hope for the best
While shes blazing the night

The Misunderstood

Who wouldve known
That keeping a secret
Would harm you so deeply

That it would haunt you
Would transform you
Would force fear and worry into you
Heart

Youre of them now
The misunderstood
The patienceless
The needy
The irritated

To them youre nothing but a bastard
Youre nothing but selfish and
Harsh

Because when they ask you
to be gentle
You know you try
But the fear clouds your trying

Who wouldve known
That telling the secret
Wouldnt make a difference?

The Demons Are Back...

I guess I expected too much
I hoped for too many things
I let dreams take me hostage

Im on my own again
Because people are people
Because plans are plans
Because life is life

Now Ill face my demons by myself
But thats ok
Ive faced them alone all this time
I just have to sharpen my blade

Promises

Promise 12 and 13 are about to be broken
While 14 and 15 are being made

Promise 10 and 11 werent kept
And 8 and 9 were true, you'd say

Promise 6 and 7 were somehow forgotten
While 4 and 5 werent strong anyway

Promise 2 and 3 were very misleading
Promise 1 promised "no promises, no way"

There's No Rest For Us...

Theres no rest for us
No calm nights
No reward nor
Any light

Theres no rest for us
No understanding
No comprehension
No sacrifice pending

Theres no rest for us
The ones who care
Who soak up the pain
For their mindless affairs

Theres no rest for us
The madly in love
Who have to be better
Yet never good enough

Theres no rest for us
The ones who worry
Who deem nights our enemy
The only that are sorry

There no rest for us
But of course we knew
Yet we hoped for change
But theres no change in view...

Im Done

Im done

Trying to make this work both ways
Trying to give and get
Trying to be more than I can be
Trying to hold on to my thoughts
Trying to please you
Trying to become what you want

Im done trying to easy it up for me, too

Lets have it your way
Im done

Heroes and Heroics

Its so easy to become the villain
When all Im trying to do is have
Heroic qualities...

Because people never understand
That youre really trying to protect them
Because a few hours of stupidity
Weighs more than a few hours of tranquility

But I guess thats something
I have to get used to

Because heroes are trampled
Knocked over
Tackled and underappreciated
For wanting the safety of another

Oh well...

4am

Its 4 am
And i cant understand
If Im less of a man
Or she had other plans

As if the day wasnt enough
So the night had to pitch in
To cause my quick trip to the hospital
To finally drop my chin

And Im not sure what to do
Or how to behave
But the questions still linger
Do I have a say?
And now I cant sleep
Let alone be awake
Because when Im hurting in bed
Shes out making mistakes

Things Never Change, Do They?

Things never change, do they
I've been stuck in the same issue
For longer than I can remember

I was expecting a new start
A difference
A specific period in time where I could breathe
That I would be able to come back home
And not have the constant worry

I wanted to have sleep back
But sleep has never been further

And I guess it is something I have to live with

I guess things never change,

Do they...

The Truth About Good Things

Ive reached a point where
I can accept the bad parts of good things
How theres a leveling factor to all parts of life
When theres something amazing happening
The rotten pieces are still there
All you have to do is learn to live with them

One Sentence Is Enough...

I'm starting to think trouble follows me around...

Certainty?

Maybe the one concept that
Claws at my deepest concern
Is uncertainty...

Because what better way to
Tame a man's pride than to strip him
Of his knowledge
And place in front of him an
Unpredictable future?

It surely tortures me at night
To have the lingering thought that any day
Any minute
Any second
Someone new will close the open circle of her life
Someone more like her
Someone there and that will always be
And you ask yourself...

What would my dreams portray
And how would I wake up
If there was
No uncertainty?

Mask

It irritates me how some people
Get it all without suffering
The full extent
Without knowing the difficulty
And ever becoming friends with it

Because here lies all those who
Work their fingers to the bone
Who play all roles
To get the misery and bitter pay in the end
While the ones who do one thing
And barely check it over
Have their faces on TV
Manipulating a story that tells the false truth of their hardships...

Misunderstood

I am misunderstood...
I am not what people believe
I am not what my parents think Ill be
I am not what the government would like me to be
I am not what the coordinators say of me
I am not what numbers describe me
I am not what I'm not

I am me.

Dear Girl Blue

Dear girl blue
Would reach for help
Yet no hand would open
No peace would sell

She'd walk on down
Through the halls of shame
Of all those things
That induced her fame

She gave up on hope
As hope gave her up
And caused her pain
As she ran out of luck

And vulnerable? - she was
To the world
To her camera

And unloved?- she was sure
Not one soul
Not one fella

And I pay no mind
To the things she's done
From the provocative pics
To the pictures of guns

Because I can see
A frightened, good girl
That's been stripped of her eyes
And pushed to the world

And as long as she needs
I'll be her knight in armor
Take her from pain
Farther...
And farther

Kindness

I dont know how it happened
But I was brought up with the idea that
If you're kind
All the time
To everyone
Equally
Passionately going out of your way
For favors and to provide
A shoulder for those in need
Then in the end
Others would be kind to you

It does make sense
Doesn't it?

Afterall,
I've done nothing wrong
I lost sense of yourself
To make room for the sense of others
And of course that consumed some of my time
Of course it drove me mad at one point
But I believed it would show people
Those whom I've helped
That maybe their time
If not even a second
Would be spared when I was in need

But that is not the case

You see
This fantasy
Whatever religion or principle
Has holes on it

Because the kindness you grant to all
May not be grant to you

And the kindness you exhale
May never be inhaled again...

What can I do about it?

Myself

I was by myself

With myself

And nothing came of my presence

With myself

Yet I endured the urge

To ask myself the questions

For only so long

See if he

Or me…

Would have answers

Why I worried

Why I hurt

Why I rushed

Why I tripped

Why I didn’t pay attention

To how I was

How I would be

Because of what I was at the moment

Yet he

Or me?

Would not dare

To look at me

Because I knew

That asking myself

These questions

Only led to more questions

She

Not once
Nor twice
But one too many times
She crossed my mind
And taken forever
To leave behind
A sign
In which Id find
An incline
Towards her line
Of love

Not once
Not twice
Not ever
Has she left that place
Yet make no mistake
I do want her to stay
In the way
She came
Because she gave
To me
To save
Myself
From the hate
I wont dare
To pronunciate.

Not now
Not later
Will I let forget
What she said
In my head
And fed
The hunger
I've lead
To its deathbed
And gave me instead
A love so pure
So divine
I wont dare
I wont beg
To give back
Or make dead...

Money

Money...
Does it dictate you?
Think about it for a second
But dont take too long
Time is money.

These bills
Do they frighten you?
Do they strip your freedom?
Your given gift of exploring the world?
Does it order you when to dream
When to live?

Money...
Does it turn you into a lustful shell
Riddled by the need to have more
And more
And more
While you become less
And less
And less

Money
Has not
Does not
Will not
Be valued more than belief

So Im proud to say that
I am rich in my own wealth

In That Order...

I have dreams...

Well,
Dont we all?

Dont we all want something so badly
That having any other wish realized
Would not come close to touching
The feet of that one dream

But dreaming is not enough, now is it?
Since in that world you built
There are no hardships
There are no uncertainties
There are no naysayers
There are no negative forces
There is no mind and mouth that thinks and speaks against you

In the real life?
You'd be surprised
At how many people turn their backs on you

Yet you'd be even more surprised
At not the number of them that do so
But WHO does it...

So my advice to you is
Dream
Work
Materialize

In that order...

Strange.

You know...
Being different
Is the simplest hard-task there is.

Because its not that
You are trying to be abnormal
It's not that you asked for it
You just simply are
Regardless of how you try to
Look like they do
Act like they do
Live like they do

But the humble and honest truth
Is that you cant
And you wont

You'll be given names
Besides your own...
Immature
Ridiculous
Childish
Unwanted
Unneeded
Incapable
Unbearable

And in due time
Your name fades
Until the ones you hoped would love you
Despite this strange stranger that dwells within you
Will stop to do so.

And you're left with nothing
But the anger
The disturbance
The guilt of looking at yourself in the mirror
And wondering where you went wrong

Do they not listen to you?
Do they not want your happiness?
Do they not think of anything else but themselves?

You could die trying to find out the answers.

But I can tell you this

Be different
Be strange
Be the person you would want to be

But more importantly

Love the strange
Love the different
Love your strange
Love your difference.

Because in the end of the day
The only one that gets to see you
For who you are
Is yourself.